Secrets out The secret life of bensons daughter
by XLiv-elX
Summary: When Olivia's daughter is bullied at school she takes drastic action. Will Olivia save her daughter in time?
1. Chapter 1

SECRETS OUT...

the secret life of bensons daughter  
law and order svu

(hey everyone this is my first story co written with a friend it's based on a scene from producers backend we hope you enjoy please dont forget to review)

jessa's POV

I'm sitting in the study hall trying to finish my geometry homework when the text messages start. my phone vibrates reletlessly for a few seconds and i pull my phone from the front pocket of my harvard university hoddie and glance down to see about six messages from an unknown number. slowly i type in the four numbers of my passcode and read the messages as best i can with my phone hidden under the table.

"skank"

"what happened to make you look so ugly?"

"nobody likes you,why dont you just leave already?"

"such a nerd."

"no wonder your dad left. who would want you?.

i here giggles from across the room and immediately know who sent me the messages. looking over my shoulder i see my former best friend, phone in hand,with a satisfied smirk on her face, sitting with her new posse. the tears well in my eyes and i put my phone back in my pocket. "can i use the restroom? " i ask the teacher, trying to keep my voice in check. he gives me a slight nod. i snatch my bag up from the floor and walk as fast as i can out of there.

yes i was supposed to go to the restroom but screw that. i can't take it here anymore. i need to get home now.

fifteen minutes later i find myself back in our apartment. i toss my bag down on the kitchen floor and make my way to my bathroom.

it doesnt take long before I'm satisfied with what I've done. i turn on the water and start to clean up my mess.

i guess i didnt hear the front door open because a few minutes later, theres a knock...

Olivia's POV

I'm sitting at my desk finishing some paperwork when my cell phone starts ringing. i pull it from my bag and slide the bar to answer.

"Olivia benson"? i answer, not recognising the number.

"hello miss benson, this is kimberley nixon, your daughters principal. ive called to inform you that she asked to be excused in her afternoon study hall and didnt return for her other two classes.'

"thank you. i'll call her now. " i say into the phone and quickly press the end button. skipping class? that is not like jessa. i stand up from my desk and look at amaro. "tell cragen i'll be back later. i have to go check on jessa.

when i pull into the parking lot of our apartment, im on the verge of flipping out. i called jess five times on the way home and she didnt answer, which she also NEVER does.

after practically running up the stairs to my apartment because the elevator wasnt fast enough for my liking, and strugging to get the door open, im finally inside. "jessa?" i call out as i walk into her room. baby where are you?

i pause for a second to listen and the sound of water running invades my ears. the bathroom. i walk to the door and knock on it "babygirl can i come in?

Jessa's POV

SHIT! this cant be happening. why is she home?!

i rush over to the sink and start to wash the blood from my skin.. it wont stop bleeding..

it doesnt take much longer for my worst nightmare to come true. my mother bursts in and sees what i have done.

"oh baby... "i hear her whisper. she rushes over and takes me in her arms.

"what did you do?

i burst into hysterices and sob while she holds me tightly in her arms and reaches for a towel to clean my mess.

i feel so completely numb right now...

im so pissed at her for coming home but at the same time all i want is for her to take me in her arms and never let go I'm totally screwed...

Shall we continue ? thanks for reading and please dont forget to review :-)


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia's POV

It takes a split second for me to jump into action. I take my baby girl in my arms and grab the towel from its rack. 'Oh baby... what did you do?" I whisper to her.

"I-I'm sorry." She chokes out through tears.

"shhh. It's going to be alright. I say softly and push a strand of hair back behind her ear.

After her wrists are clean and bandaged, I lead my daughter into her bedroom. The blank, exhausted expression on her face tells me that I shouldn't bother her right now. " go to sleep jess. We can talk when you wake up okay?" she gives a small nod and shuffles over to the bed in the corner of her room. I watch from the door as she pulls the covers back and crawls under them.

As I turn to walk out her small, fragile voice catches my ear. " please stay."

And she doesn't have to ask me twice. I immediately turn around and go back into her room.

she pulls back the covers and then turns towards the wall, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with me.

"jessa I'm not mad at you." I say and start to play with her hair. I've done this every time we lay together since she was only about three. It comforts her.

"thanks momma." She barely mumbles. After a few more minutes her short, raspy breaths are replaced with slow, even ones and I know she's asleep.

As I watch her sleep all I can think of is how blind I have been. I mean, all parents have fears for there children but this isn't one you think of when your carrying a child in your belly. Your terrified of birth defects and of miscarriages. Once there born your scared because there the smallest., most fragile things ever. Your scared you won't be a good mother. Then they grow a bit and you worry about them falling off there bike or not making friends at school. As they become teenagers you worry about what kind of people they're hanging around with. And why they don't want to spend time with you anymore, but still that thought isn't one that crosses your mind.

its hard to believe how blind I've been to this. it was obvious by examining her wrists that this has been going on for a little while now. But if it's the last thing I do, I'll help my baby recover. ( poor liv she blames herself :( thank you so much for the reviews we hope your liking the story so far. please review we are nowhere near finished with this story yet :-) )


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everyone sorry for the late update on this story here's chapter 3 we hope you enjoy :-)

Jessa's POV 

"The next morning I wake up to the sun shining through the big open window in my bedroom. "I squint my eyes to look at the clock on my table and see that school started an hour ago. Maybe this means I won't have to go today.

"I shift a little in bed and then feel my mom moving behind me. Well crap. I was really hoping she had gone to work during the night like she does pretty often. Now we are going to have to talk about it.

"Good morning" she says softly and sits up. She runs a hand through her hair and looks over at me. "How are you feeling?" "Like I should still be asleep." I say and roll back over. The last thing I want to do is have a conversation with my mom about this whole thing. I can handle it myself. I have been for a while now.

"I'll let you sleep as soon as you talk to me about this." She tells me with the Stubborn look in her eyes that everyone tells me I have also.

"I don't want to have this conversation." I say simply. What if she told her squad? What if every time I go in there to hang out or do my homework they stare at me like I'm some kind of...of... Crazy monster. What if she told my principal and word gets around school about this? Everybody already hates me but that would make it worse. Before I know it the all too familiar feeling of not being able to breathe sneaks up on me. I start shaking and crying. Another panic attack. When my mother tries to hug and comfort me It only proceeds to get worse. All I can think about Is how much I wish someone would take me out of this place...

"jessa sweetie you need to match my breathing okay?" She gently takes my hand only touching me enough to let me know she's right there, and breathes smoothly, in and out. I try to do the same and it eventually calms me enough to breathe normally again. Wow she's good at that... I think wondering how she knows how to handle a person with anxiety attacks. Eh...probably just picked it up at work.. I tell myself and brush it off.

"Please let me help you." She practically begs.

"Help me?! Where was your help when the bullying started?! Where was your help when I came home everyday and sliced my skin?! Where was your help when I needed it most?! Oh yeah, IT WAS AT FUCKING WORK." I scream.  
I can tell that hurt her but my mom continues anyways. "I had no idea that you was being bullied." She says sympathetically. "Listen to me though, we can go down to your school and we can make sure that they put a stop to this.

At the thought of going back to that place my mind spins out of control. " I'm not going back to that place and you can't make me!. Now get out and leave me alone!" I push her out and slam the door before grabbing a vase from my bedside table and smashing it. I throw a picture of my mother and I against the door and punch the wall.  
...And then I finally collapse onto the floor and cry myself back to sleep.

"To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Exactly an hour and ten minutes later, Jessa stirs from her sleep. She looks around and sees her room in the same destroyed state that it was in before. She sat In a pile on the floor and just stared at the mess she'd made. What she'd destroyed in her moment of rage was something that meant a great deal to her. It was a picture of her and her mom the day she was born. The nurse had taken it because her mom was at the hospital completely alone and it was the only picture her mom had until she was around a month old. The longer she sat there the smaller the bedroom became. It was getting hard to breath and she needed to get out of there... Good thing she knew exactly where to go.

Amanda Rollins POV

its 4.00pm on my day off. I'm sitting on my couch watching last nights football game and eating leftover Chinese when I hear a knock at my door. I open it and standing in front of me Is someone who is very close to my heart.

"What are you doing here peanut?" I ask. In all the years I've known her, that's what her nickname has been. Olivia hates it but jessa doesn't so I never saw a reason to stop.

When I came to the squad she was only eight. She was a shy little girl who looked just like her mother and was still very upset about losing the only father figure she'd ever had, Elliot stabler. She liked me instantly I guess, and I knew she was extremely special.

"Remember that time you said that if I ever didn't know what to do I should just talk to you about it?" She asks and slowly steps in the door.

"Of course I remember that,sweetpea."I tell her. "Why don't you come sit down and then you can tell me what's going on."

together we walk to my black leather couch and sit down. "Talk to me babydoll." I say and turn my body towards her. I haven't seen her in a few weeks, but it doesn't take me long to notice that something is different about her. Her eyes have dark circles around them, and she looks thinner.

"I think my mom hates me." She tells me shaking. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes but, being the stubborn person she always has been, jessa refuses to let them escape. She blinks several times to keep them back and then continues. "I did something really bad."

"Jessa I know for a fact that NOTHING you'll ever do will cause your mother to hate you. You are the most important thing in the world to her... What do you think you did that's so bad?" I ask ignorantly.

she doesn't answer right away and I can tell that she is thinking about if she should tell me. I watch her movements carefully and after a moment she starts to push up the sleeves of her hoodie. When she holds out her arms I see they're covered in small red lines, and I know that they didnt get there on accident.

"I... I couldn't help myself!" She blurts out before exploding into tears.

"Jessa?" I whisper to her. "Look at me sweetie."

She snaps her head up and looks into my eyes. "I'm sorry." She states and stands up. "I should just go I don't know why I bothered you."

"Jessa, you could never bother me. Sit back down and help me to understand what's going on okay? I'm not here to judge you for it or play parent, I'm here as a friend who just wants you to be okay."

At my words she cautiously sits back down and covers her wrists back up with her sleeves. "It's all just so much sometimes."

What is?" I ask, looking directly into her eyes the whole time.

"everything. School, grades, bullies, my mom, just all of it. I have no friends at all. I go to school everyday dreading what's going to happen when I get there. Nobody there likes me.. And now I don't even like me." She spilled out. This has obviously been going on for a while, and it's definitely taken it's toll on her. I'm just surprised that she hid it for as long as she did.

Thank you so much for reading chapter 4 please review as we would love to know what you think. Xx


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5...

Thank you so much for the reviews here's chapter 5 we hope you like it and please don't forget to review as we would love to hear your feedback.

Olivia's POV.

" I sit on the couch with some tv show that I don't know the name of on low volume and a large brown blanket thrown over my lap. Out of everything that could've happened to jessa why did this have to be it? Why didn't I see what was going on sooner?

A tear makes it's way down my cheek as I pick at the knit sweater I have on. My beautiful daughter. The little girl that I've known since the day she was conceived now has scars covering her body, and she was the one who put them there.

A while later I am lost deep in thought when my cell starts to vibrate from it's place on the side table. It startles me out of my current mental state and I pick it up to see my coworker and best friends name across the screen. "This better not be a work call" I say to myself before sliding my finger across the screen to pick it up.

"Hey Amanda." I sigh into my phone...

"Hey liv. I think I've got something that belongs to you in my apartment." She states.

"Whatever it is it can wait until tomorrow." I tell her rather coldly. Talking to anyone besides jessa isn't exactly what I prefer to be doing right now.

"Okay cool. I'll tell her she can crash here until you decide to come get her." Amanda tells me and I can hear the smile on her voice.

"You have jessa?!" I ask, jumping up from my seat and practically running into her room. Where I see a broken vase, a smashed picture frame, and a small hole in the wall but no jessa.

"She's been here for around two hours now. I'm surprised you haven't torn the city apart looking for her."

"Two hours? I must've been way out of it. It seemed like I just sat down to collect my thoughts for five minutes.

'Can I please speak to her?"

"She's asleep right now and I think she should rest until you get here... And we need to talk." "

Talk about what?" I demand.

"Just get your ass over here." She says into the phone and hangs it up. I'm going to kill her when I get there.

"After an agonising, fifteen minute drive I finally reach Amanda's apartment building. I quickly pull into a driving space, which I'm sure I did on two wheels, and snatch my key out of the ignition before running into the building and taking two steps at a time.

"I pound loudly on her door for only a spilt second before remembering that jessa is sleeping inside. My knocks turn into a soft. Quiet one. It seems like ages before my friend opens the door.

"Hey sunshine." Amanda grins and reaches out for a hug. She's my best friend but lately we haven't had any time to hang out with each other.

"Hey Manda." I say and give her a quick hug. "Where's jess?.

"She's in my guest room. Out like a light."

"I'm just gonna check on her then." I say and make a break for Amanda's extra room.

"Liv." She calls and grabs my shoulder. " I just walked out of there. That's why it took me so long to open the door. She's fine. Now sit down and let's have a talk."

"The look on her face tells me that I had better listen, so I reluctantly walk over to her black leather sofa and take a seat. "What is so important that we need to talk about before I see my daughter?" I ask her, obviously very irritated.

"Olivia, I've been your best friend for five years now, and as your best friend sometimes I can see what you need to do in a tough situation better then you can...

"Cut the crap, "Amanda. What are you trying to tell me."

"Olivia you need to tell your daughter."

"At that thought I completely freeze up. Amanda is the only person who knows everything about my past, yet out of all of the terribly screwed up things about my life that I have ever relayed to her on a weeknight after work over takeout and beers, I know what exactly which part of it she's referring to.

"It's the only way that she'll completely let you in. She just needs to know that you understand exactly how she's feeling and what's going on inside her head right now."

For a moment I am completely frozen. My thoughts are jammed inside of my head and I can't even think of words that I want to say to her.

I look into my best friend eyes and shake my head. "Amanda she can never know that." I say sternly. There is no way I'll let my daughter find that out...

Or at least I don't think their is, until I hear the one thing that would make me kill to go back in time footsteps...

"Can't know what mom?"

So what's Olivia's secret? You will have to read the next chapter to find out...


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